Mala... sei?

Mood: Sad
Book: Draw close to Jah
Music: Cruel world - Phantogram


What is the meaning of "mala"?

"¡Qué mala!" "¡Eres mala!"

I don't understand... I don't think I am.
I've seen people hurting old people, and I have cried for being a chicken shit and not standing up for those in need.

I've seen friends losing their loved ones to violence.
A sister of someone disappeared, she has never been found.

I wonder what it is the conception of mala that people utter so easily.
... right now, my heart hurts.

What is friendship after all?
Fake friend, we're all a bunch of fakes... trying to be truthful,
but as much as we try to be, we end up expecting too much.

Have I been there for you? is that me caring?
I either care (too much) ... or I either don't. I don't do errands in the middle,
perhaps a lack of balance, perhaps too obtuse to take in shades of grays that ameliorate the hurting, the troubles...

Everyone holds their truth, up high to the sky, but is it, in fact, the truth?
I need someone that is not placing all their hopes in something that seems so far from mortal reach.

Who are we really?
I am so undeserving, and I am so tired...
I'm tired of faking happiness I don't feel, I don't know how to show other self than this.
Perhaps... the world should twist and turn in a different direction because this reality seems so trivial and vain, and I can't stand futility, I can't stand people that are empty shells.

I wish I could care less, it does take the best of me.