8.19.2020

When the sun rises


Mood: Uneasy
Book: YPA
Music: Say what you want - Texas



I knew about you,
we were brought up to love you,
I wasn't afraid of falling in love...
but still...
I didn't know enough...
People can be easily seduced,
by this feeling of wistfulness,
by the longing of something we forgot.

And we walked your lines,
those that draw your form and give you shape,
it didn't matter the time,
we could touch it all
touch your silhouette until the lines became wavering.

We got a closer connection,
                                           indeed...
we created a sort of ritual,
a silent ritual where all the words evaporated in thin air,
but the essence remains afloat,
remains in that air and space shared.

In the end,
in your arms,
(when the sun rises)
it's the best place to be.

8.17.2020

seeking...


Mood: uneasy
Book: YPA
Music: No puedo vivir sin ti - Bely Basarte


The birds fly away,
they seem to know where they go all the time,
no flick of the wing seems unintentional,
they don't seem distracted...

There's always a mission to fulfil...

The chirping as a call for their flock,
no stains in their hearts
no stains on their consciences...
the wind guides them...

There's always a mission to go to...

They don't seem to be seeking,
nor lost,
the traced trail even seems on purpose...
and there's a glimpse of freedom...

They are constantly doing their will
no distraction...
it doesn't matter the weather,
they weather it, they own it!

I thought I was a bird,
but I had never been,
the wind has moved me,
and when there's no wind... I standstill.

8.16.2020

Smoking has its consequences...


Mood: Drowzy
Book: YPA
Music: Ode to my family - The Cranberries

We all well know that smoking has its consequences. People lose the smell sense, taste... damages other organs, gets cancer. We all know it.
How to resist? Free will aids as far as it can, to a certain extent... when it comes to vices it is hard. There are other elements in play, all these chemicals that create addiction within the systems.
Wouldn't we all love to have power over our actions, over our decisions... to say "no more" and really mean it, and act upon it?
But then... as we mentalise ourselves, we discover the lighter on our hands.
Okay, the last one.
Smoking also was virus-like spread, just as COVID-19.
But smoking kills you in slow motion... COVID-19 within -relative- a few days, if you are not adequate for living life in its new normality (with the virus).

(if you are or were a smoker, perhaps your chances of dying are higher, this virus attacks the lungs, if it gets there)

But we pause now,
from the noisy voices out there,
the reminders, 
the no's
the stop...
we sit on the hammock for a while,
we swing for a while,
under these shades of light,
with our "2020 goals book"
our heartbeat raises,
there's a spectral vicious circle,
it floats within words and thoughts...
it spreads everywhere,
                                   and then disappears.

It gets subtracted from our reality...
but it adds to our long list of regrets...
tomorrow we can try again.

8.15.2020

I'll be gone...


Mood: Okay, I guess
Book: YPA
Music: Take on me - Annie B Sweet

There was little action against,
not thorough thoughts in regards to change,
we just wanted change, but we ignored the forms of it.
we prayed...
but prayer sometimes is replied not in the ways we want... is it?
we can listen from far apart,
how the voices twist and twine and rip the hearts apart,
but they fill the void in our ears,
with lies, and thoughts that may not be even real...
are our hearts still beating?
I sense I'll be gone,
and so will you...


And the grass will still be green,
and our thoughts will still be here,
somehow,
on other people's eyes and minds...
how can we turn all these words into tangible thoughts,
into tangible and breathable truths?

the shining of a brand new day wakes my guts,
borderline, half-face under the sunlight,
the shadow keeps me captive under its fears,
and my thoughts are now weak...
they sank lost into oblivion.

It's not age anymore,
it's this sense of muting before the world,
muting for a while,
with fears,
with tears,
with no quiet place to hide...
to think...

The void in my ears
those empty spaces are filled with
thoughts I would like to avoid
but the buzzing,
the screeching,
how many days have you been awake?


8.14.2020

Pause... don't stop.


Mood: Okay
Book: YPA
Music: Maligno - Aterciopelados

Pausing is art, knowing how to pause is art...
we don't know how to stop...
                                             do we?
                                             mundane needs!

We can start telling our stories backwards,
see if they unwrite themselves from our memories...
see if they can be rewritten...
because we didn't pause... we didn't know how to stop...

Halfway, the feeling overwhelms the soul with fire,
it burns it to the marrow... asphyxiating the hurricanes inside,
from the guts, we can feel it crawling out of our minds,
we didn't pause... we didn't know how to stop...

We wanted to pause,
not to stop...
Pause for a moment...
to listen to the birds' song...
                             to breathe the greens,
                             to drink the darkness from the blues...
                             to train our hearts,
                             and to write better stories,
                                                                  without using our words to hurt,
                                                                  but as a home,
                                                                                         where our souls could find a warm shelter...

but we couldn't pause...
                               we didn't know how to stop...

8.12.2020

keep walking


Mood: Okay
Book: YPA
Music: Date with the night

And there will be light,
there will be peace...
                             and as the sun rises up in the skies,
                             we will become at ease.

For there is much to learn,
and there is much to do...
                                     somehow we shall remain,
                                                                               in situ,
                                                                               moving,
                                                                               and still.

The change begins with thyself,
life will provide most needs...
                                             we, then, must abide without rest...
                                             we must keep walking the hills.

8.11.2020

What's in a name, anyways?


Mood: restless
Book: YPA
Music: Do it - Sunday Drivers
"Never heard from you "I'm doing fine" You get depressed or you are on cloud nine"

Order surpasses structure, phonetics does not provide a sweet, chipper ring to it, the ending is weak whilst it starts strong, just by chance.
So, whenever you need to make decisions, there's some inflexion in there that it is directly linked to how your name sounds, plus all those other aspects that convey a name.
It'd be appropriate to discern what is it that you want, from you to you or to the world and universe, for you or others...
When you're little things are simpler, they're natural. Situations and events fill stories and the spirit with energy, whenever you get to see yourself, in remembrance, hanging from the tree, they still are... the pain and the suffering are coped differently.
Leaving aside adult arrogance, it is complex in itself, being happy with a balanced vision of life, being all-out effort, in order to achieve a balanced life.
We must try harder.
Loyalties are weaker by the minute, and not from others to you, but from you to yourself, we're sure there's somewhat a scanty set of nuances that display your commitment.
Saving energy, organising yourself... trusting yourself, in the name you give away...

But...
What's in a name, anyway? Does a name define you? Does it change who you are? or whatever you're not...
We can improve anyways, for we're all made of stardust, and at some point, we shall return to the origin of things, where life will be what it was supposed to be, what it was intended to be, embraced by water... we're protectors, after all, dragons of the skies and earth.
Once in this lifetime...

So forget about the sociocultural pain, the feeling of unfitness, the mockery, the battery of mistreatment in and out of every school or social gathering... forget about history. You're doing fine, because your name starts strong, and, the ending is weaker, now, go on and try to finish everything when you start...


8.10.2020

Duties - Once upon a clow...


Mood: I'm okay... we're okay.
Book: YPA
Music: Una volta ancora

Sometimes in life, you must defend your beliefs, it is inevitable.
People will attack your beliefs, make you feel they are not worth anything, but they are worth the world.
There are duties and responsibilities in our lives that we cannot let go, people may criticise it, but still.
There are duties that we cannot shake off.
What should we do?

I think that, as the sayings states, it takes a village to raise a child. Thus, en each community, it is our duty to do so.
Adults, all around the world should take some time to instruct, guide, tutor every child, they possess the hopes for a better world.

Providing knowledge, amongst us all, it is the better way to societal improvements. Knowledge will never end, it changes, it gets renewed, rejoices, rebuilds... it never ceases to exist. But not everyone is able to grasp the core of it.

As individuals, all of us live different realities, but our space and time are established, we are sharing by means of a virus, the same reality, similar ways to education, using similar resources, so, our paths have crossed. TICs are here to stay, bold like home.
We are all individuals thus we are unique and different, living different opportunities to what life presents before us, signed by time and place (when and where), which presents like cognitive content that varies, because as I said before, we're all individuals, yet... right now, similarities soared to the skies.

There are hypotheses in regards to how new tools and resources transform minds. Means to transform someone's conscience, social at least, when you look to the new ways of interaction developed in past years.

If you know something, you should pass the knowledge on... basically a skill, something that will benefit somebody else.
If you're good at storytelling and do mimics, and make people laugh, you should show somebody else how to do it... Once upon a clown would tell stories about animals in this huge farm. The moral always were two, being good and kind to others, obey the elderly, there were funny moments, that later on, I would realise they were not THAT funny, but we cannot judge a 10-year-old for trying, so, avoid being judgemental.

Learning is a two-way street, by sharing our skills onto others, training, guidance, you learn yourself, how to make knowledge more practical, we specialise toward functionality, quality and effectiveness.

It is a social duty, as part of a community. We cannot shake it off, we teach unwillingly already. If you throw trash to the street, and a child observes you. Even though it will be his decision to repeat your lesson-taught, ignorance will be of a hindrance. We must take our adulthood duties with responsibility.

Everything is praxis, we better start with the most important one, being responsible toward our community. Education, as Mandela said, it is the most powerful tool and it can change the world.
Rest satisfied with doing well, and leave others to talk of you as they will.

8.08.2020

La palabra - Neruda


Mood: Excited
Book: YPA
Music: Desorden - María Rodés


Todo lo que usted quiera, sí señor, pero son las palabras las que cantan, las que suben y bajan...
Me prosterno ante ellas... Las amo, las adhiero, las persigo, las muerdo, las derrito...
Amo tanto las palabras... Las inesperadas...
Las que glotonamente se esperan, se escuchan, hasta que de pronto caen...
Vocablos amados... Brillan como piedras de colores, saltan como platinados peces, son espuma, hilo, metal, rocío...
Persigo algunas palabras... Son tan hermosas que las quiero poner todas en mi poema...
Las agarro al vuelo, cuando van zumbando, y las atrapo, las limpio, las pelo, me preparo frente al plato, las siento cristalinas, vibrantes, ebúrneas, vegetales, aceitosas, como frutas, como algas, como ágatas, como aceitunas...
Y entonces las revuelvo, las agito, me las bebo, me las zampo, las trituro, las emperejilo, las liberto...
Las dejo como estalactitas en mi poema, como pedacitos de madera bruñida, como carbón, como restos de naufragio, regalos de la ola...
Todo está en la palabra...
Una idea entera se cambia porque una palabra se trasladó de sitio, o porque otra se sentó como una reinita adentro de una frase que no la esperaba y que le obedeció...
Tienen sombra, transparencia, peso, plumas, pelos, tienen de todo lo que se les fue agregando de tanto rodar por el río, de tanto transmigrar de patria, de tanto ser raíces...
Son antiquísimas
y recientísimas...
Viven en el féretro escondido y en la flor apenas comenzada...
Qué
buen idioma el mío, qué buena lengua heredamos de los conquistadores torvos...
Estos andaban a zancadas por las tremendas cordilleras, por las Américas encrespadas, buscando patatas, butifarras, frijolitos, tabaco negro, oro, maíz, huevos fritos, con aquel apetito voraz que nunca más se ha visto en el mundo...
Todo se lo tragaban, con religiones, pirámides, tribus, idolatrías iguales a las que ellos traían en sus grandes bolsas...
Por donde pasaban quedaba arrasada la tierra...
Pero a los bárbaros se les caían de las botas, de las barbas, de los yelmos, de las herraduras, como piedrecitas, las palabras luminosas que se quedaron aquí resplandecientes... el idioma.
Salimos perdiendo... Salimos ganando...
Se llevaron el oro y nos dejaron el oro...
Se lo llevaron todo y nos dejaron todo...
Nos dejaron las palabras. 




8.07.2020

Storyteller - the traveller pt 3


Mood: Sleepy
Book: YPA
Music: Dvorak

The morning dew hit the low soil and woke us up from our natural dream.
There was a heavy road ahead to follow, as we got up with the singing of the birds.
The rituals augmented as we entered the mountains, the locals received us with leaves, oils and essentials as a welcoming party.
They extracted from a plant's seeds painting, that was the most curious thing to experience and painted our faces with archetypical minimalistic features of some animals, everybody was part of a tribe.

As the day passed by and the sun started to rise above our heads,
we were given fruits, tasteful, juicy, in the shape of an orange, but nothing similar, no.
The peeling was like an egg, so you had to break the outer layer, and inside,
it was like eggs entangled in a spider web.

The trail laid before our eyes, like magic it shined.
So we kept on the journey, we stopped by the refinery for a moment, to have some sierra coffee.
Then we headed to the spring waters, a natural resource on the top of the mountain.
I had to fix the blisters, they started to multiply.

The natives walk, such a fascinating situation, we have become so accustomed to life in the suburbs, to life in the big cities, that coming to this side of the mountains seems surreal.
With the walking seriously nothing seems that far, but it is for our city streets eyes.

We had to record everything in our minds, it was forbidden to take pictures as we finally arrived at the ancient site, the terrain was so plain and slippery that we almost died walking that part.

The road lied ahead, it was vast, it seemed endless but the trail rails gave us hope... we knew that even though not train ever passed anymore, they had an end to the citadel.

We finally got to the abandoned town, but we all after all this long walk felt an unavoidable relief. Would we be able to rest? We didn't know.
The stories behind the abandoned town were interesting to hear, they all share some similarities in regards to their advancements.
I saw from the top of the mountain how the sun rose from between two peaks, it was beautiful, breathtaking.

I sat for a moment, my calves were killing me, we got remedies from the locals and rubbed it all our bodies, I couldn't believe that I was able to jump!

Nature is so beautiful from this side of the world, it is the same all around us, but each space has its own value and must appreciate and contemplate. The vast mountains guarding the citadel, it is just a glance of how great our planet is.

On the top of a mountain.
I discovered the power of the spirit, a positive mental attitude can help you achieve dreams that may seem impossible.

Sayounara.

8.05.2020

Storyteller - The Narratives pt1


Mood: Anxious
Book: YPA
Music: Lux Aeterna

Después de un largo día, agotador pero inócuo, Karen, una adolescente de 13 años llega a su casa cansadísima, entra a su cuarto, saca su diario y escribe los sucesos del día. A la hora de esto su padre la llama y...

5 de Marzo 19:00
La luna sólo me hizo el regreso a casa más largo y agitado, además de que el tiempo no se detiene, ni por mi.
Hoy entrené más duro que nunca, quiero ser la mejor en todo lo que haga, no importa que sea, daré siempre el 110% de mi esfuerzo y quizá un poco más, no fue como antes, hoy si estuvieron encima de mi, un haz esto y aquello, realmente no sé cómo lo hice, pero sobreviví.
Me pregunté más de una vez que es lo que me mantiene de pie, a mi edad ¿otros jóvenes se preguntarán lo mismo? ¿A qué edad valoramos las cosas? La vida es algo... ¿para valorar? A veces no lo creo.

Voy a la escuela a entrenar y quedo exhausta para hacer cualquier otra cosa, necesito un clon, alguien que sepa por lo que a veces me siento impaciente y me ayude a mi, en mis cosas, las que no puedo hacer sola y nadie más sabe como las quiero.

Sonrío, soy felíz, me siento completa y preparada para lo que venga, no tengo remordimientos, ni me siento acomplejada, recientemente cumplí los 13, cada vez siento que obtengo más poder y control sobre mis decisiones, no sentí nada al ver la muerte, encontrada en un carro de basura, drogada, violada y asesinada. Yo no sentí nada, ni mi familia, la televisión corrompe nuestro sentido de humanidad. Además de que la muerte es la otra parte del continuum, unos mueren, otros nacen. Paralelos como el tiempo y el espacio, pero en algún punto de nuestras existencias se unen. La vida = muerte.

¡Karen! -gritó su padre- La cena está servida.

Karen se apresuró en ocultar su diaro y apagó la lámpara de su cuarto, sonrió y trató de distinguir las cosas de su cuarto que parecían haber desaparecido por un instante en la negra y fría habitación. Salió del cuarto sonriendo y se unió en la mesa con su familia.

Había un suceso extraordinario en el mundo, había campañas electorales sincronas y manejaban un mismo lema "El lado de los buenos", las noticias sonaban en la televisión, uno de los hermanos de Karen veía ávido y pensativo lo que sucedía, campañas, debates, conferencia y encuentros con el pueblo. Parecía que uno de los candidatos estaba muy seguro de ganar. Karen vio como entrevistaban al político, pensó para ella cuando le lanzan la pregunta -ése titubeo, va a mentir- y así fue, con la gracia que caracteriza a los políticos, el candidato giró la conversación, desvió la intención y la atención a otros puntos que en general si entraban en la pregunta, pero definitivamente se salió y esquivó estratégicamente. Para eso están preparados.

// Fragmento de historia //

8.03.2020

Storyteller - the traveller pt2


Mood: Tranquil
Book: YPA
Music: Pleiades some



Once upon a time, there were three soulmates, they were created to help humans survive armageddon, they did help, don't get me wrong, but visitors from other planets captured one of them, and a quest started.
One of the triads gave birth to a Starseed traveller, a messenger of some sort, the body couldn't resist and died, so patient partners of this Starseed traveller (Pleiadian people) tried to place the soul into another body, there were unwelcomed visitors, some thought they were Annunaki, we are not sure, they interfered with the soul movement, so the rest of commissioned to the task group received a mission.

The Earth is a free-will planet, they call it "the school" for others would come and learn, some others would come and teach. Birth preparation is pretty much as we know it happened with Jesus, it varies according to where you are from.

So, he came into the earth to learn, to impart a message, and to do research... but the triad got split, the quest has taking quite a long time.

Let's see if it develops further in times ahead.


8.02.2020

Storyteller - the traveller pt1


Mood: Tranquil
Book: YPA
Music: I'm only human

It was a hot morning on this side of the world but in the South, it was autumn.
The city at night allowed us to talk under the starry skies, I could hear your voice while walking the dark streets, describing was the method of choice, I could adorn the city for you to imagine, and I loved having you with me.

The height of the city was an ordeal, I encountered myself having troubles breathing, in the end, it was all good.
The receptionist offered us mate to ease our heads and to adapt faster, I grabbed a bunch of leaves, I was feeling scared.

My trekking partner started feeling ill, there was little to do. We woke up early, and it was freezing, and then, it rained, just another cherry on top.
The view was breathtaking, the height was a plus (pun intended). I was able to see the snow and a ray swimming in the clouds, I didn't notice when the sun got up, making his way through the dense clouds of rain. We chew leaves, grabbed a bunch and place them in every pocket I had available.

The tents were really cool, I kept on walking the extra mile and found a nice water body, it appeared to be some sort of river. I saw the moon travelling in the sky, in a frisky way, gliding majestically from one side to the other, celebrated by shiny stars.

A cold and windy morning, the hardest climb, my body wanted just to disappear to a warmer place. We drank some mate up there, the warmest and delicious tea I had ever had in my life in order to survive the weather.
There was this heavy fog that didn't allow us to see far beyond our noses, and then it started to snow, it was cool, but freaking cold.

As we were descending the weather improved. I saw several small creeks with fairies and pixies, I thought it would have been like a fairytale. That night we finally arrived at the camp.

I was tired, I slept for several hours and the guide told us to keep on admiring nature while we rested, to take a hot shower, and contemplate the beauty of creation, NATURE.

8.01.2020

Storyteller - The other project


Mood: Happy
Book: YPA
Music: Taylor Swift - Shake it off



I used to write about nothing and everything,
I used to tell stories about animals and societies...
There was a particular story that I wrote quite a while now, Kaishi, it had to do something with beginnings or new beginnings in Japanese.

I used numbers to guide the characters choosing, not like a mathematic strategy or whatsoever, but numerological odd-numbers beliefs.

So, 3, 11, 13... and whatever odd or prime number came to mind.
I also played with the names.

Anyways, there were three people (triad), with a mark, an explicit mark on their bodies, for these alien-like people would recognise them and connect with them in order to anchor themselves with earthly forms (human beings).

One of them would give birth to a child, being a virgin (uuuh like Maria Maria?), the energy of this being was taking form inside of one of them in order to be able to possess earthly qualities, abilities, and the whole deal.

There's always violence and destruction before having some peace of mind and up-lifting hope in regards to the future.

There were these young people that came from a planet called Ankathe (does it mean something, did it mean ever?) IDK I can't remember. These youngsters were to arrive at planet earth and rescue some humans, one of them had previously visited the earth. Not with good feelings he left.

Anyways, they return to encounter with destruction, the one who had been born from the triad tagged along, he couldn't believe his eyes.
There were just 4 people alive... anyways, it was a fun story to write because I had all these ideas from Jesus (extraterrestrial Jesus), and then I was reading about Saint Germain and these people who were/are masters (including Jesus). So, the story just fit in my head.

First, who I wanted to be on the story
Second, how many and why
Third, in relation to what...

It was fun.

7.31.2020

The Project - The first kiss


Mood: Just exercised
Book: YPA - WJ's
Music: K Flay


For all the time being, I would think I've improved at providing feedback in such a way that inspires and not judges.
I haven't.

I've been doing, in a disorderly way, the 20-20-20 by Sharman, I heard it first in Yasuo's podcasts, la Palma, feel free to drop by and listen to him, you'll get a fresher perspective of life.


This past week, we talked about the family from a sensation/feeling/emotion viewpoint. I chose emotion, I talked about my experience in the search and quest for my roots. It was of struggle, reliving the experiences, with a lump in my throat and told my part, I don't like portraying a weaker version of me, but there are things that I cannot handle, and my heart cries all the time.

This week we will talk about the first kiss, real or imagined. I have two stories, and I was thinking of spicing it up a little, although I don't want it to be bull

Connecting with the family can have a positive impact with everybody's present, in order to start fitting the future, although, with COVID-19, we don't really know what to expect anymore, we were able to estimate what the future upheld according to our actions and future plans, now... in this war against a disease, it is hard to imagine, yet a fact is, if we get sick, we may need to go out to fight it, and we may not come back.


7.24.2020

The Project - Family Biography


Mood: Uneasy
Book: YPA
Music: None


The Project
Imagine that you have the chance to see your family through 3 generations eyes.

It takes a village to raise a child
 We signed up for this cultural project where we will be discussing matters that identify socio-culturally our family amongst the rest.
It is a view of the core family through individual eyes, and yet becoming able to globalise such view for a broader perspective in regards to our roots, and what makes our family special and unique (all families are!)

The core family, after all, had to pick up some traits from the other, correct?

As the first task, we need to identify one particular characteristic that defines our core families: solidarity, unity, hope, kindness, independence, diversity...

Within this diversity of eyes, and traits, we should then think of a moment that shaken sensations, emotions or feelings within us.
Having recognised that, then we set ourselves to the task to develop, write about it, no matter the extent.

With these particular scraps of family insights, with all these different perspectives and chiaroscuro from the eyes of three generations, we may come closer to understanding the different shades that shape our family. 

6.28.2020

Defeated... depressed...

When I was younger I had a guide,
Protected me from world’s harm
All things considered.
Then, TV showed me the evils inhabiting the earth,
That was my first greatest sorrow.

In a row, I watched hooligans beating up an elder
I watched a documentary about priests
I watched a friend killing a friend...
What is wrong out there I pondered...?
And I cried, never felt so small,
So... there, part of it all.

Then, I lost one of my fathers, pain and suffering from others
Then, I researched about priorities which life misplaces all the time...
I got depressed all over again...

Afterwards, my other father died...
So, I lost my two dads... and what saddened me the most was seeing the suffering of others
and the little I could do...

Growing behind a faded smile.
I moved away not before starting to do things on my own.
The major breakthrough was taking action,
Being always quiet, passively in silence, away from everything and everyone...
I had to.

I couldn’t wait any longer,
But I have always doubted myself...
I discovered I made mistakes,
It was the hardest and deepest depression I faced.

So, I needed to mix with the world,
I couldn’t avoid it anymore.
I thought and still do, that if we all pitch in a bit to it we can make things better,
but first I needed to know how to pitch in, how to teach and share,
I had always cared, but caring and crying don’t suffice... 
we need to do and take action.

So, made up my mind,
Decided to learn how to teach,
I would walk around barefooted...
Without combing my hair,
I needed to release and be free,
so little by little was discovering that everything that I was taught,
That my mould could be broken,
I just needed to make up my mind
And take action....

And... ended up fighting for a spot to become a teacher,
so I could go out there, to the world, planting seeds of something better...
It is not easy to take action...
It is not easy to stop and think and move...
It was until I had this class, school management
that I could fully appreciate the whole orchestra.

I had never been so grateful,
I had a mission,
and I wanted everyone to see the power they all had and the great things they could achieve...
nothing saddens me the most that not helping or being of help,
But also, not letting others grow,
I decided to step aside...
I still carry around my world of insecurities, and fears...

Anyways... I was thinking aloud sitting on the hammock...
I remembered all these feelings of joy,
sadness, and all I’ve felt for having chosen this,
becoming a teacher.
And then the joy in different forms... the hope by different means.

My teachers, throughout my life...
You are too great to count you at all...
And you, and you... all of you 💙

In the end, we teach each other... in the end,
we have an impact on others, whether we want it or not.
Sometimes the lesson to be learnt is what not to do, what to avoid.
Sometimes what to take in as your own from what others bring to your life.
In the end it is a matter of attitude and appreciation, in the end, life is a decision.

I love you all.
I still ache my losses, and celebrate the accomplishments.
Wish you all the best, always.

6.27.2020

The End of Turn


Mood: Tired
Book: Young people ask
Music: none


It was around 2011 and 2012... I wanted to do something
Being in reverie was of no help
Postponing my action taking was of no help...
It took me a while to comprehend...

Two years passed,
I struggled nonetheless
Just like everyone else has
That’s what we get in this system of things

I was laying in bed,
I wanted to do something,
To start doing something,
Anything...

So, I did.

I wanted this for all other reasons,
I wanted to change the world for so long,
I talked to my beet friend,
But I needed more...

And I got more than expected...
Life and Gos have been good to me...
You have been good to me,
And I am so undeserving...

6.14.2020

La impotencia mata...

Hay tranquilidad en nuestras vidas,
hasta que nos toca.
Nos tocó hace un par de semanas,
Y...
Hoy nos tocó nuevamente,
Nos exprime el corazón,
Nos hace nudo la garganta,
Nos llena de impotencia...

La impotencia, esa que saca lagrimas...
Y no hay nada que podamos hacer más que quedarnos en casa,
Y eso mata, aburrimiento, hartez,
Cansancio...
Sueños que se posponen,
Eventos que se cancelan...
Trivialidades de la vida,
Cada quien le da su importancia,
Y todo es válido, porque aún no les toca...

Y al que le toca... todos esos otros que ahorita mismo pelean por sobrevivir,
Por respirar,
Por vivir... porque es natural, nuestros cuerpos quieren respirar,
Sin que duela...

Y esos otros que estamos aquí,
Sin poder hacer nada,
Sólo esperando que duela menos,
Con nudo en la garganta,
Porque tu sufrimiento es el nuestro...
Y la impotencia mata...

💙

4.02.2020

Leben ohne angst...

Mood: Hanging on my lover's breath 
Book: mindfulness of some shit
Music: Ask for answers


easy.. calm... breath...

We don't look for each other,
I love you, I suppose you know this by now...
Eternity was granted to you
                  ... as my mouth inked your soul on my many verses.
And I stopped, I have been thinking about this,
I stopped for many reasons,
                                       and now, when you have been called by other people's mouth,
called by other people's tongues,
I cannot, I refuse to become a setback.
You deserve to be happy,
                            to be free,
                                     to reach the heavens,
                                                  I will not be the one who keeps you from that.

Your flowers will remain to grow in my garden,
until I disappear,
for this soil, I gave to you,
before you ever set eyes on me...

You will grow,
against my and your will,
I offered perfection,
that is all I can give,
but all this is an illusion,
your perfection remains in my quill...

You deserve better...
I am not it...
I could choose someone else, I chose you...
Voices in my head...
I accept that... this I cannot change.

I cannot seem to shush the voices...
I am a monkey,
I bet you should know by now.
You want to love someone, love me,
you want to talk to someone, talk to me,
I am here, I will always be here...
You think you do not belong, well, darling, you belong to me...

I can be a selfish prick...
and one of my hearts ache, I do not know if it is yours or mine,
how art thou?
Me, one of my hearts ache...
out of selfishness,
out of emptiness,
out of hope...

a beautiful and intelligent child from heavenly fields... not knowing how to choose...

I miss the morning rain,
the morning laugh,
I miss your eyes,
I miss your smile...

I miss the water drops cooling on the soil,
I miss seeing the flowers grow,
I miss changing the time,
starting over,
lying by your side...

I miss walking beside you,
running to catch up with you,
hugging you, love...

I can run out of hope,
I can be a selfish prick...
but I will never stay on your way,
your flowers will grow,
but I won't be your weed...