Defeated... depressed...

When I was younger I had a guide,
Protected me from world’s harm
All things considered.
Then, TV showed me the evils inhabiting the earth,
That was my first greatest sorrow.

In a row, I watched hooligans beating up an elder
I watched a documentary about priests
I watched a friend killing a friend...
What is wrong out there I pondered...?
And I cried, never felt so small,
So... there, part of it all.

Then, I lost one of my fathers, pain and suffering from others
Then, I researched about priorities which life misplaces all the time...
I got depressed all over again...

Afterwards, my other father died...
So, I lost my two dads... and what saddened me the most was seeing the suffering of others
and the little I could do...

Growing behind a faded smile.
I moved away not before starting to do things on my own.
The major breakthrough was taking action,
Being always quiet, passively in silence, away from everything and everyone...
I had to.

I couldn’t wait any longer,
But I have always doubted myself...
I discovered I made mistakes,
It was the hardest and deepest depression I faced.

So, I needed to mix with the world,
I couldn’t avoid it anymore.
I thought and still do, that if we all pitch in a bit to it we can make things better,
but first I needed to know how to pitch in, how to teach and share,
I had always cared, but caring and crying don’t suffice... 
we need to do and take action.

So, made up my mind,
Decided to learn how to teach,
I would walk around barefooted...
Without combing my hair,
I needed to release and be free,
so little by little was discovering that everything that I was taught,
That my mould could be broken,
I just needed to make up my mind
And take action....

And... ended up fighting for a spot to become a teacher,
so I could go out there, to the world, planting seeds of something better...
It is not easy to take action...
It is not easy to stop and think and move...
It was until I had this class, school management
that I could fully appreciate the whole orchestra.

I had never been so grateful,
I had a mission,
and I wanted everyone to see the power they all had and the great things they could achieve...
nothing saddens me the most that not helping or being of help,
But also, not letting others grow,
I decided to step aside...
I still carry around my world of insecurities, and fears...

Anyways... I was thinking aloud sitting on the hammock...
I remembered all these feelings of joy,
sadness, and all I’ve felt for having chosen this,
becoming a teacher.
And then the joy in different forms... the hope by different means.

My teachers, throughout my life...
You are too great to count you at all...
And you, and you... all of you 💙

In the end, we teach each other... in the end,
we have an impact on others, whether we want it or not.
Sometimes the lesson to be learnt is what not to do, what to avoid.
Sometimes what to take in as your own from what others bring to your life.
In the end it is a matter of attitude and appreciation, in the end, life is a decision.

I love you all.
I still ache my losses, and celebrate the accomplishments.
Wish you all the best, always.