I am nobody...

Mood: downsome
Book: niente
Music: The seatbelts

In a little while, you’ll be gone.
And the space that has been born between us I cannot seem to fill with anything.
We grow apart as we breathe and the more I wish to get closer, the farther I find myself.
I apply little to what I want, to what I wish to do,
The mara has grabbed herself tightly around my soul,
perhaps little salvation for my hopes although I thought I had none.
I am a slave of my own ambivalence,
A domesticated prisoner of my many and harshest guilts.
I am not rejecting anything but it seems like it,
I’ve been drifting away since day one,
My priorities are messed up,
What I want I cannot have,
I am my worst enemy, and I retreat because I am a coward.
A chicken shit with a little will, distracted by the dirtbags that I so claim to dislike.
Duties from all and paced deeds.
I am nobody,
Undeserving...
The void sucks dry my blurry vision, I cannot see the path anymore.
And even though I know I am not alone,
I know I walk alone under this dimmed light.
Nobody scrutinises my every move more than I do.
The world is a creeper...
She asked me if I would like to be a saint,
What an odd thing to ask someone who barely believes.
Thus I am a God’s forsaken child...
He said this is only a dream, and now it is time to wake up...
He said that all this pain is an illusion...