When the sun rises

Mood: Uneasy
Book: YPA
Music: Say what you want - Texas



I knew about you,

we were brought up to love you,

I wasn't afraid of falling in love...

but still...

I didn't know enough...

People can be easily seduced,

by this feeling of wistfulness,

by the longing of something we forgot.

And we walked your lines,

those that draw your form and give you shape,

it didn't matter the time,

we could touch it all

touch your silhouette until the lines became wavering.

We got a closer connection,

                                           indeed...

we created a sort of ritual,

a silent ritual where all the words evaporated in thin air,

but the essence remains afloat,

remains in that air and space shared.

In the end,

in your arms,

(when the sun rises)

it's the best place to be.

seeking...

Mood: uneasy
Book: YPA
Music: No puedo vivir sin ti - Bely Basarte


The birds fly away,

they seem to know where they go all the time,

no flick of the wing seems unintentional,

they don't seem distracted...

There's always a mission to fulfil...

The chirping as a call for their flock,

no stains in their hearts

no stains on their consciences...

the wind guides them...

There's always a mission to go to...

They don't seem to be seeking,

nor lost,

the traced trail even seems on purpose...

and there's a glimpse of freedom...

They are constantly doing their will

no distraction...

it doesn't matter the weather,

they weather it, they own it!

I thought I was a bird,

but I had never been,

the wind has moved me,

and when there's no wind... I standstill.

Smoking has its consequences...

Mood: Drowzy
Book: YPA
Music: Ode to my family - The Cranberries

We all well know that smoking has its consequences. People lose the smell sense, taste... damages other organs, gets cancer. We all know it.

How to resist? Free will aids as far as it can, to a certain extent... when it comes to vices it is hard. There are other elements in play, all these chemicals that create addiction within the systems.
Wouldn't we all love to have power over our actions, over our decisions... to say "no more" and really mean it, and act upon it?

But then... as we mentalise ourselves, we discover the lighter on our hands.

Okay, the last one.

Smoking also was virus-like spread, just as COVID-19.

But smoking kills you in slow motion... COVID-19 within -relative- a few days, if you are not adequate for living life in its new normality (with the virus).

(if you are or were a smoker, perhaps your chances of dying are higher, this virus attacks the lungs, if it gets there)

But we pause now,

from the noisy voices out there,

the reminders, 

the no's

the stop...

we sit on the hammock for a while,

we swing for a while,

under these shades of light,

with our "2020 goals book"

our heartbeat raises,

there's a spectral vicious circle,

it floats within words and thoughts...

it spreads everywhere,

                                   and then disappears.

It gets subtracted from our reality...

but it adds to our long list of regrets...

tomorrow we can try again.

I'll be gone...

Mood: Okay, I guess
Book: YPA
Music: Take on me - Annie B Sweet

There was little action against,

not thorough thoughts in regards to change,

we just wanted change, but we ignored the forms of it.

we prayed...

but prayer sometimes is replied not in the ways we want... is it?

we can listen from far apart,

how the voices twist and twine and rip the hearts apart,

but they fill the void in our ears,

with lies, and thoughts that may not be even real...

are our hearts still beating?

I sense I'll be gone,

and so will you...

And the grass will still be green,

and our thoughts will still be here,

somehow,

on other people's eyes and minds...

how can we turn all these words into tangible thoughts,

into tangible and breathable truths?

the shining of a brand new day wakes my guts,

borderline, half-face under the sunlight,

the shadow keeps me captive under its fears,

and my thoughts are now weak...

they sank lost into oblivion.

It's not age anymore,

it's this sense of muting before the world,

muting for a while,

with fears,

with tears,

with no quiet place to hide...

to think...

The void in my ears

those empty spaces are filled with

thoughts I would like to avoid

but the buzzing,

the screeching,

how many days have you been awake?

Pause... don't stop.

Mood: Okay
Book: YPA
Music: Maligno - Aterciopelados

Pausing is art, knowing how to pause is art...

we don't know how to stop...

                                             do we?

                                             mundane needs!

We can start telling our stories backwards,

see if they unwrite themselves from our memories...

see if they can be rewritten...

because we didn't pause... we didn't know how to stop...

Halfway, the feeling overwhelms the soul with fire,

it burns it to the marrow... asphyxiating the hurricanes inside,

from the guts, we can feel it crawling out of our minds,

we didn't pause... we didn't know how to stop...

We wanted to pause,

not to stop...

Pause for a moment...

to listen to the birds' song...

                             to breathe the greens,

                             to drink the darkness from the blues...

                             to train our hearts,

                             and to write better stories,

                                                                  without using our words to hurt,

                                                                  but as a home,

                                                                                         where our souls could find a warm shelter...

but we couldn't pause...

                               we didn't know how to stop...