Like a drop

Mood: sad
Book: tales of power
Music: Adanowsky

In a moment of silence, I can hear the murmur
the wind striking the solitude of a loud thought
and it breaks like a drop hitting on the floor
etching the silhouette of an empty metaphor...

I sublimate what it is with what it should become,
and the attempts become shallow,
I cannot escape, crashing hopes and fake smiles
we start to fade away with the morning dew...

Out of body sensation, off my senses,
I am becoming a specter of my own ambivalence...
numb at moments,
I cannot make sense out of anything...

the drop's etch remains...

((Prowling))

Mood: hopeless 
Book: tales of power
Music: siempre me quedará 


Stealthily it approaches and catches me off-guard..
It devours my soul,
It prowls the hells
                              Where I shelter my pain...

I feel weak,
          I believe I will not make it!

My body aches,
                         The feeling is too deep that...
                          It sunders the marrow... 

dauntless...

Mood: empty...
Book: Tales of Power
Music: Kissing a fool



With dauntless persistence, I hear the heartbeat,
beating for you and for what I miss,
I am not as strong as I like to think,
and here I sit behind this stupid bliss...

A delusional bliss for you're not here,
you're not near,
and I lie to survive the day,
it was a good moment, sublimating my loneliness...

My vile loneliness,
I couldn't do what I set myself to do,
I guess I will start again,
I ache, but sublimating makes me dauntless...

I sang to you, to this thought of you,
and found myself sitting alone for hours,
avoiding the whole world,
keeping my eyes busy and the mind,
                                              well... you dwell there.

[despair... takes many forms]

The day...

Mood: If you felt joy, counts as a success... (it says)
Book: ESP
Music: Garbage

The world is mad, trivialities in life get us stressed out,
and we may try to run away from them, but we cannot hide,
we must abide, and comply, we cannot resign,
such is life...

I can sugarcoat the feeling of distress,
but they are killing me, I must confess...

And I pray hard with all my heart, and continuously in order to find peace of mind,
but there is no peace that can calm my ache.

The news talk about the world collapsing,
some disease,
migration by fists,
no money,
possible wars...

And I cannot talk about it, it makes no sense,
no sense at all...

And in a little while, I should be gone,
and while I remain, I cannot talk,
because of misinterpretation
because it is all in my head
because of some weird favouritisms
and then I become an empty shell...

I can run perhaps,
but this will not last,
I cannot abide, I may try...
and yet successfully I fail...

Bit by bit I rot...

Mood: Sad
Book: none
Music: Catatonia

Whereas longing is perhaps one of the feelings that cause suffering, and there is little to do to avoid it, we can always try our best to cope by breathing or breaking.

Longing is the worst feeling there is because it dries the soul up and exhausts the spirit given that longing sucks our eyes dry since there are no tears during despair and longing takes peace away by filling your heart with sadness.

It is unavoidable sometimes but there are survivors.

I long for your hands and touch, for the embrace that brings me joy.

I long for your essence to revitalise my soul, but you are far, and I am broken and mad.

Can you hear the cracks and sounds that my spirit suffers from the distance?

I know you can, because I can only imagine how hard it is for you as well...

I yearn for your love and touch,

For the hug not given,

For the hands that cannot hold this mourning that kills.

Oh, this is pain indeed,

Suffocating my world that crumbles...

And easy is to entertain the commonality and trivialities of life...

But my core aches,

This is not working for me,

This is killing me... bit by bit my flesh rots in despair...

The ordeal...

Mood: sad
Book: misunderstandings about teaching young learners...
Music: Garbage


The ordeal to keep me still,
with nothing to lose or win,
just standing still, will you find me in my darkness?
or should I come out from under the rock I hide in blueness?

This is my broken abyss,
where not even tears show up,
the void is too deep to climb up out of it,
I'm sucked in right to the eyes...

I don't know how to surrender to this,
it was a hard start,
a gloom-some beginning of the year,
the loss just increases more loss and no peace.

I wasn't running away,
and my soul was not on fire,
I was just standing still...
under a thin veneer.

and the soil shook beneath my core
and I fell from grace, my love,
I ignore what I should do or should have done,
the void is just so deep to climb up out of the abyss,
I'm sucked in, right to the bone...